“They had a good career,” a now-former colleague mourns as you’re lowered into your grave.
Instead of “Rest In Peace”, "ROI" is etched on your headstone:
Returned, On Investment.
Three days pass and your obituary is posted on LinkedIn (any sooner, any later, "the optics would be bad"):
"After an accomplished career at our organization, Employee #3547 has retired early, involuntarily:
- 10+ years of industry experience
- Willing to work evenings and weekends
- A self-starter who put the company’s interests before their own
- Proficient in Microsoft Excel
If this sounds like you or someone you know, please apply using the link below."